Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
