I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
