I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
