dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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