your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
