I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
