Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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