You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
