WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
