Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
