Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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