Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
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