I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
