Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
