Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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