not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
