I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Randomize
