i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
He kissed a someone with a penis
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
