Im at strip club and am horny
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
