I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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