It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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