I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
