Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
