Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
