the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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