i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
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