I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
We talked him into tasing himself.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
