So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
