it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
