I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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