If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
