put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
