after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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