Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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