She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
