I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
