Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
