oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
