turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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