and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
