He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
