hotel room ftw
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
