I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
