He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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