You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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