and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
