i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
