Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
