She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
