I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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