Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
