...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I am in a vortex of obligation.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
