I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
