Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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