This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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