The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
