Whoa Z and x make the same sound
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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